These women. We have known each other for an average of 15 years- some more than that. These friendships formed in a bible study during our college years through the ministry of Young Life. In fact, this bible study still goes on today. It's kind of like the movie, Sandlot. You know, how through the years people came and went but the game always continued. That's kind of like this bible study. People have come and gone but the place has always been a place to come home to. We are forever Mandy's bible study girls no matter how old we are or if we even "attend" anymore. I say all this to give you a glimpse. These women who were formed together out of a shared passion for outreach and love for Jesus. These women, that even though we were so very different from each other- through the years, became sisters.
(Jenna's first pair of cowboy boots- we also set her up with a blind date with the boot guy (this was before she met her amazing husband- who is NOT the boot guy:) )
Through the lot of us, we have experienced singleness, dating, marriage, babies, miscarriages, moves, losses, victories and everything in between. We have experienced conflict, resolution, laughter until tears, and tears from heartache. Even now, lots of us live in different cities, states and have moved on in one way or another. Some are still continuing the bible study to this day (which makes me so happy). But one thing that has always remained is this common bond of sisterhood. That's what these women are. sisters. We are so different and so alike. We could go for months or years and come back to each other picking up exactly where we left off. These friendships run deep with a trust that is thick.
One year ago, we walked through the final days and death of one of our own- our sweet Jenna. It is hard to wrap my mind around it being a full year. Or to even believe that we walked through this horrific heart ache as we watched our sister end her battle with cancer.
Jenna was really great at rallying people to accompany her on her adventures. In fact, we were all set to join her in Harry Potter world on a friend vacation. We had a giant group text entitled "Jenna's Entourage," where we planned, laughed and anticipated the upcoming trip to make all of Jenna's dreams come true. We even made t-shirts in honor of our friend trip in pure excitement. Unfortunately that same week that we were set to be enjoying Harry Potter world with our dear friend, was the week that she went home to be with the Lord.
I'll never forget getting the text from Jenna's husband telling all of us that we should come to the hospital. And we did. Every single one of us. Every woman dropped what they were doing and came to the hospital to sit with Jenna. As we showed up, we passed out our t-shirts and sat in the waiting room as we waited to be let in the room. The feeling was somber but strangely also had the feeling of "home." These were our people. Our friend Lu, walked in the room having made Harry Potter wands for every single woman there. She wrote out each person's name and their specific attributes. I have never in my life received a gift like that. And to sit in this room with these strong women who had battled together for almost 15 years- it was like coming home. We laughed and cried and told stories. Two by two we went in to sit with Jenna and spend time. We fumbled over words as we tried to articulate our love for her. I'm not sure anything can really prepare you for that moment.
At the end of the night, they let the whole crazy lot of us into her room. Her big giant crazy family of sisters. We wore our t-shirts and held our wands as we gathered around her bed. We fumbled over iPhones to play songs to sing to her. We sounded horrible, mainly because we were half crying and half laughing over our feeble attempt to sing over our dear friend who was nearing the end of her days on this earth. She smiled and told us we sounded beautiful and we wept. Looking back I can still see the faces and feel the air as we lifted the mat of our friend to the feet of Jesus. It amazes me that our friendship had stretched the span of 15 years and here we were together as if we never left Mandy's house on Mt. Rainier drive.
bible study sleepover as grown women
Leaving that hospital room felt like a swift punch in the gut, knowing we were leaving a room never to return the same way again. These memories, those final days forever changed me. Mainly because I was witnessing my Jesus come close and big and deep. I sat in the room with my friend whom I studied scripture with, prayed with, rallied with, dreamed with, cried with. And in her final days and her final words it was all about Jesus. I was watching her walk the walk. I watched her live out everything she ever claimed as truth to her very last, painful days.
Jesus became real. Living, breathing, big, mighty, standing right in front of me in that room kind of Real. Of course he has been real and true to me since I was 19 years old. But something changed in those days for me. I think something changed for all of us. A piece of us went to be with Him and we were left realizing the reality around us- That this life is sweet, but Jesus is IT. He is the beginning, the middle and He is the End. And through our friendships with each other, we saw him crystal clear.
It was overwhelming to process everything right after Jenna's death. I'm sure I will continue to process things for years to come as I hold dear memories of our friendship and that final week forever. But one of the things I have thought on over the year is the friendship with these women. I am forever grateful for each woman and the very important role they have played within our group and individually. We have not always been in the same place, or life stage. But when needed, these women will show up. I keep thinking of this proverb, "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Truly these women are sisters. So much life has been lived among us. So many memories, moments and everything in between. But I think the thing that has made this work - is the fact that we were rooted in doing life together and learning about Jesus together, walking through the hard stuff with another.
we drove to surprise engagements in different states
We were vulnerable. We showed up. We worked at it.
And what that produced was a friendship that has sustained through separation and life. A friendship that can pick up where you left off. A friend turned "framily." I truly believe that these are things that root your friendships. These friendships are not perfect. They are flawed and sinful and selfish. But through these women, flaws and all, I have learned what it looks like to be a woman running after the Lord and what it looks like to be a friend that sticks closer than a brother. I am not always good at this. Honestly, they would probably tell you i'm really not always good at this :) But these women have built a framework for friendship. As we have gotten older and moved into new stages, we have developed some of our deepest and most cherish friendships with other women not apart of this group, as well. I truly believe that this framework that was forged 15 years ago is what has made us into who we are today.
I say all of this dear sister, that even if you experience friendships that may seem to leave more hurt than love. Or you are yearning for a pack of sisters to rally with you. It starts with you. It starts with me. You know, Jenna loved us unconditionally and lived her life in the security of the Lord and loved others with no expectations. And as our friendship group formed through the years- it shaped each one of us. We learned from one another. Even our sinfulness- we learned. But we never stopped showing up. I think that is the real fruit in lasting friendships. It is vulnerability with no strings attached. It is showing up day in and day out with no hard expectations in return. It is work. Work to not be selfish. Work to challenge each other in the hard parts. Work to put effort in initiation. Work to rally for one another in the good times and bad times. It is picking up each other's mats and taking one another to the feet of Jesus.
Above all , it is Jesus who holds all things together. (colossians 1) He has held this group of women together using each one to sharpen the other. He held us together in that room with Jenna as we sang over her. What a beautiful image of friendship. I am so grateful for that night with each other. With Jenna. Our little bible study that formed so many years ago as baby freshmen in college. We went from selfish girls who couldn't see past our own individual problems, to women who loved and feared the Lord. Women who learned to serve one another and others. He grew us, formed us, carried us. Now Jenna is feasting with Jesus and one day, our little bible study will reunite at the same table. And we will pick up where we left off- Jenna's Entourage.